As my son turns four today, I marvel at his metamorphosis (seemingly overnight) into a full fledged little boy. It also reminds me of one of the toughest lessons of parenthood. Being a parent means living in a constant state of letting go. As parents we have no choice but to learn and relearn (and relearn and relearn) how to let go of our kids. Crawling, walking, riding a bike, going off to school – all milestones that require us to loosen our grip. In addition to the big milestones, we let go in smaller ways every day as our kids become increasingly independent. Each time is challenging but each time we get a little better at it.

There is power in knowing how to let go. Much of life involves letting go – of things, beliefs and people.  Knowing how to let go is a superpower because not only is it a critical life skill, but people tend to not be very good at it by nature.  Our instinct is to cling to the familiar, but if we are willing to let go, the world opens itself up to us.

So our challenge to you this week is to embrace your superpower and start to wield it in other areas of your life!  What are you holding onto that you would be better off letting go?

- Perhaps it is a self-limiting belief of who you should or should not be or what you can or cannot do.
- Perhaps it is resentment from the past or fear of what might happen in the future.

Are you willing to let it go and open yourself up to all of the possibilities that lie ahead?

While technically I could fumble through the task to completion, it would take me much longer to finish and the result probably wouldn’t be as good as if I just let someone else do it (like…a specialist).

It’s not even about the money. It’s about control. I have a background in marketing. I use this background to justify controlling everything related to marketing down to the tiniest detail, to the point where most of the time I just do it myself.  The problem is, this is no longer the best use of my time.  I also have access to specialists who can handle these tasks much better than I can.

At one time it made sense for Diana and I to do everything ourselves.  That time has now passed and it’s time for me to admit it. So I vow, here and now, no more declarations ’3-year-old-style’.  I will let go and let the specialists do their thing so I can focus on what I do best.

Do you ever find yourself uttering a “Do it myself” declaration? Is it about something that isn’t the best use of your time?  If so, it’s time to let go. You have more important things to do! That’s our challenge to you this week.

Blair hit rock bottom as a teen and, like an animal backed into a corner, his survival instincts kicked in. He had only two choices:

1. Ignore his instincts, cower and submit.
2. Obey his instincts and fight, no matter how desperate the circumstances. Just like an animal backed into the corner, there is nothing more dangerous.

Blair asks us to determine whether or not we’re in a nothing to lose situation. Ask yourself:
- At home, or around the water cooler, do you talk about how crappy your job is?
- Do you go to work everyday afraid that you might lose your job?
- Do you live pay check to pay check?
- Is someone else taking credit for your successes?

If you answered yes, then there is no better time to stop thinking like an employee and start thinking like an entrepreneur. That doesn’t mean that you need to run out and start your own business (though it is the most direct path to Pretirement). It simply means approaching your career as an entrepreneur would – take risks, fight for progress and, above all, never back down.

As parents, it can be difficult for us to embrace a ‘nothing to lose’ attitude, but it can make the difference between a mediocre life and a kick-ass one.  It’s time to start listening to your instincts and start fighting as if you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

How can you get yourself into ‘nothing to lose’ mode?

Incorporating meditation into my daily schedule has me thinking about how we have lost the art of downtime.  It is no longer a regular part of daily life because most people can’t or won’t disconnect from their myriad devices that deliver a sea of information on a constant, unrelenting basis.

I recently read an article that discussed the concept and value of the “creative pause” – a state described as “the shift from being fully engaged in a creative activity to being passively engaged, or the shift to being disengaged altogether. This phenomenon is the seed of the break-through ‘a-ha!’ moments that people so frequently report having in the shower. In these moments, you are completely isolated, and your mind is able to wander and churn big questions without interruption.”

We all require creativity to live our lives to the fullest, and more and more of us rely on that creativity to earn a living.  Perhaps it is time we treat downtime as an essential self-care activity.  Easier said than done, though. No one else can disconnect for you. You have to make the time (and space) to turn off all of your devices, sit or lie down by yourself and clear your mind.

Our thoughts are like waves.  They come in sets and many times they come in so fast and furious that they are overwhelming.  Downtime creates some space between the waves to allow us to experience quiet, when our mind is still like placid water. Then, when the next set of thoughts comes rolling through, we’re ready for them.

So, here is a challenge for the next week – take 30 minutes each day for downtime. Once you have incorporated downtime for 7 days in a row, come back and tell us what has changed in your life.  We’ll bet you’ll experience some great a-ha moments and can’t wait to hear about them!

Knowing what you want your dream lifestyle to look like can seem almost as challenging as achieving it.

So how do you go about getting to the bottom of what you really want and decoupling it from what you’ve been influenced to want by friends, family and society?

Here’s a suggestion. Start with identifying where you are today, and then figure out where you want to go.

Answer the following questions in a few sentences:

1. Why do you drive the kind of car you drive?

2. Why do you choose to live in the neighbourhood you live in?

3. Why did you choose your last vacation destination?

4. Why do you what you do for a living?

Review your answers and check in with yourself:

• Do your reasons resonate with who you really are and what you want? Or,

• Do they reveal that your choices were made in part to portray an image of yourself that you want to reflect to the world?

Getting to the heart of why you have made major choices in your life in the past will lead to clearer answers about what you want your future to look like – for you and not anybody else.

The other day I watched a YouTube video she produced called A day in the life of an entrepreneur from baby food to fashion walkway to running my businesses!

When the video ended I was surprised, disappointed and a bit sad. Why?

Angela’s 12 min video starts with a rush to get her daughter off to daycare, drinking coffee out of a sippy cup, running running running for the next 14 hours, saying about a dozen times how much she loves what she does and then saying how she wishes her daughter and husband were there, how she wonders how her daughters day is going. Before her evening events she notes that her daughter was crying for her before she went to bed. You can watch it here.

We’ve all been there, had those days when we’re so busy that we can’t even think straight. I get that. I’m the first to say this type of ‘imbalance’ is when truly amazing things happen.

But what disappointed me was how Angela Kim portrayed this as normal – as “the way it is” if you want to be a successful woman entrepreneur.

I don’t agree. How I (and many other Pretirees) run my businesses and life proves that you don’t have to sacrifice yourself and your family to achieve business success.

Angela also hosts a business event that brings in speakers to show women entrepreneurs how to reach $1M in revenue. I’m even more disappointed. Yet another role model for women entrepreneurs that would like us to believe size matters. As I pointed out in my last post The Myth of $1M, arbitrary revenue goals are meaningless and can get a business into trouble.

As entrepreneurs we need to think long and hard about who our role models are. There are so many ways to be successful in business without having to sacrifice ourselves or our families. There are many awesome people out there doing it right now!  But they are harder to find.  You have to dig a bit to uncover them because their stories may not be as flashy as some of the “success” stories we see in the business media.

My role models are people like David Siteman Garland and Brooke Castillo – they are not the Angela Kims of the world. Brooke turned down being on Oprah, signing with a major publisher AND a hit TV show because she knew bigger was not better for her. She loves her business. It is small but profitable and allows her amazing life experiences with her career, clients and family (including Wednesday date nights with her husband and never missing her son’s soccer games).

We hope that you go and find yourself a role model who can inspire and inform you as you forge your path. But please, choose carefully. Be clear about what you want to model – and do your research.

We’re told that, in business, size matters and that revenue is a good indicator of size (along with employee head count).

The relevance of $1 million in revenue as a business success metric is questionable.

Changes to expect in your business when crossing the $1M revenue mark:
- When you get over $1M you’re usually around 10 employees. When your business reaches 12-15 employees it changes significantly, suddenly requiring significantly different operations, systems and roles.
- Your role will also change significantly as you will likely move into a more operational capacity and may become disconnected with the core of your business (the reason you started it in the first place). From a personal perspective, your flexibility decreases and you become more strongly tied to the business and employees than ever before. You may find your personal sacrifices sky rocket at this point.
- Your profitability decreases until you get through this stage (usually to $1.5M)
- This can be a very risky time for a business as you try to keep up with demand while managing growth.
- Did I mention your profitability decreases?

Instead of striving for $1M in revenue or other “bigger is better” metrics, we’d be better off focusing on more meaningful measurements like:
- Increasing net income
- Increasing profit margins
- Decreasing your time in the office

I would much sooner have a small business with higher profit margins than a large business with less profit.

I like to think of it this way – my business is more profitable right now than GM. I’m quite sure that if I were the CEO of GM, there is no way I would have the flexibility to travel for 3 months a year with my young family and work from different destinations. I wouldn’t be able to drop my son off at school and I certainly wouldn’t be home for dinner every night or have a “girls night” every month to reconnect with friends. I suppose it all comes down to your definition of success.

It’s easy to compare our business to others based on revenue or employee count, but realize that just because someone has a business with X employees or over $1M in revenue does not make their business any stronger or healthier than yours. Strive for substance, not size. Strive for quality not quantity. Know your success metrics and stick to them. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking bigger is better.

Eva’s Pretirement Update

Our family is settling into our new home, enjoying the village lifestyle in Capestang, France and exploring our surroundings. Just wrapped up filming the House Hunters International TV show where we buy essentials for the kid’s rooms and set up our Pretirement life.

#1 We keep hearing do what you love and everything falls into place

We test this theory as my husband, Alfonz starts up South Westy Rentals our home based rental company that rents out Westfalia Camper Vans. The very same campers we travel around Europe in. It seemed like a natural progression for Alfonz to do what he truly loves. He happens to have 20 years experience with European vehicles combining his knowledge with his passion. www.south-westy.com , our website has been launched, and is taking orders for late Spring.

#2 There is room in your life for everyone’s happiness

We still dream of owning a B&B. On the road to happiness a little bump turns my big dream into a smaller one. We initially wanted a large B&B complex and we hoped it would become our family business. With the bank lending policies changing all over the world, we were denied. I believe everything happens for a reason and instead of giving up on our dream of owning a Bed & Breakfast, we roll with the punches and we compromised. By building a smaller apartment ‘Gite’ onto our home, I still have my ideal life in France! The space has private access and use of the pool. There is truly room for everyone’s happiness in our new life.

#3 Small sacrifice, big reward

Making less money doesn’t have to mean it will always be that way. If all goes according to plan, these business ventures based on our interests will grow just like any other business. For now, we start off small and build slowly. We still have the walnut apartment, our rental in Budapest, which helps out.

#4 Our travel family loves our time together

We want to show our children Daniel and Angelina the world, something other than a stressful 9-5 job. Life has options and it changes over a lifetime.  We have to adapt to those changes as we pursue happiness.

With more time to spend together, we have time for the things we love to do: playing along the Canal du Midi with the kids, being there to help with their homework, and our family learning a new language.

While the kids are in school, we have time to pursue our own interests as well as business ventures. For me that means writing about our family adventures and how we got here. For Alfonz that means spending time on his BWM R1200GS motorbike exploring the roads of his new land.

Still pursuing happiness!

Eva

The next thought after you answered was likely, “But I don’t have an hour today.”

If you find that you consistently can’t find an hour in your day to do something that is important to you…that fulfills you…that fills you up so you can take on another day – here’s a technique.

1. Write down everything you need to do today.

2. Beside each “To-Do” mark it with either an A, B or C in the following categories:

A = Must do
B = Should do
C = Could do

3. Knock 2 items off the B list and 3 items off the C list.

4. Now – write down in their place an activity that will fill you up and add depth to your life.

5. Mark beside it a HUGE A – and you’ve found yourself an hour to do that MUST Do activity!

A business colleague said that to me the other day. He followed up by telling me it was something that he hoped to achieve one day.

I haven’t known this man long, but I respect him immensely. He has done what most entrepreneurs can only dream of – he took an idea, built a business and then sold it for millions. And yet, he still feels like there is a “proper way” to conduct ourselves in business and in life.

I believe the “proper way” is just another way of saying the “normal way”. To be honest, I didn’t realize there was a reason to apologize for trying to have a successful business, family and life at the same time.  I understand where he is coming from, though.  How Shannon and I approach business is definitely different than most.

We love being abnormal. Weird is where all the fun happens! I think we are all born to do things our own way – but along the way we are slowly moulded into conformity. Eventually this stifles most of us and prevents us from creating our dreams.

- Conformity? It’s boring.
- Normal? It’s not challenging.
- Average? It’s crowded.

What if I told you that reaching for the top is easier than going after the average? It’s true!  Trying to achieve the extraordinary is less competitive than settling for average because most people are too fearful to go there.  By operating at the top, you’ll be unique and you’ll stand out. You’ll be challenging the norm and pushing yourself. The result? Higher chance of success!

When you start down that different path – and start achieving greatness – don’t think for one second that you need to apologize because you are different. You need to be applauded because you’re an inspiration to us all.